Why Transcendence And Emptiness Are Pure Love

When we train our minds to expand consciousness

In my two blogs ‘Initiation Renaissance In Our Pandemic Times‘ and ‘Wu Wei‘, I wrote about a subjective, yet universally accessible dimension of reality that opens up like wakefulness emerging from a dream, when we train our minds to expand consciousness through successive stages of depth and integration, all the way to the realization of the transcendental emptiness of Being. We take this journey because it allows us to unleash our full human potential for wisdom as defined by peace and equanimity independent of circumstance, including respect and love for all human beings, all living creatures, the universe as we know it and oneself. The question I want to address here, is why transcendence and emptiness of Being are experienced and manifest in our actions as love? Why is the universe fundamentally benevolent, when science tells us that it is just energy meaninglessly and randomly flowing according to certain physical laws without rhyme, reason or purpose, clumping, exploding and vanishing haphazardly here, there, and everywhere? To address this question I first want to explore truth.

1. TRUTH

Definition

Let’s begin with the question of what truth is. Philosophy has whole libraries filled with tomes written about this topic. I am not going to review that, but instead, propose a few poignant definitions that serve our purpose. One definition I like comes from my teacher Northrop Frye: It is what keeps coming back and hits you over the head the more you try to ignore it. Psychoanalytically that would be the return of the repressed. Another way would be to say that it is what still stands and continues to define people’s view of reality after it has been repeatedly refuted. Or, truth has something to do with the primary human concerns that satiety is better than hunger, pleasure better than pain, love better than hate, wealth better than poverty, and freedom better than bondage. Finally, and quite simply, truth is agreement with fact or reality as more narrowly defined in terms of what exists without lies.

Truth and reality

Truth and reality overlap, but are not exactly the same. Lying, deception, and delusion, all opposites of truth, are sad aspects of human reality. The truth is that humans can lie, while the content of their lies is an aspect of reality, but not of truth. Practically though, we cannot build our lives on lies, deception, and delusion without toxic consequences. To simplify, we can, therefore, discard the aspect of reality that is a distorted human construction from our understanding of reality, except for the purpose of recognizing it when it appears. Reality and truth then become for all intents and purposes synonymous. If so, can we humans share a universally accepted reality that has a common ring of truth for all? I will try to show that this is indeed possible, but only if we train ourselves to mobilize higher human faculties we often keep dormant, thus missing out on discovering the awe-inspiring vastness of life in a mysterious universe.

The universality of truth

Are you familiar with the famous elephant of reality and the blind men trying to describe it? One man touches the tusks and says reality is like a battering ram, another touches his ears and insists reality is like a cabbage leaf. One touches his legs and argues it is like a tree trunk; another the end of his tail and believes it is like a brush, and yet another man touches his trunk convinced reality is like a snake, and so on. Everyone has a clear sensory experience of a part of the elephant and for each individual, the elephant is clearly what the senses tell him it is. The problem is that each individual has blinders on and does not check what his colleagues experience. The result is a tower of Bable situation, in which we not only disagree on what the truth is, but hold on tightly to our opinions and cannot communicate nor hear each other. The truth becomes ‘what I see as truth’, from which follows that ‘whatever you think is the truth must be false and misguided’. It would appear that discovering a universally valid truth is a hopeless endeavor and that truth is locked in the tiny bubble of human subjectivity.

The Tower Of Babel, Peter Brueghel the Elder, 1563

Limitations of the senses and scientific objectivity

Let’s establish a few facts first, in order to better understand what follows. Like all animals, we take in reality through our senses, which register reality through the restricted dimension of their unique architecture. For example, the eye is able to register electromagnetic waves in the range of 400-700nm. What’s beyond, ultraviolet or infrared is invisible. In other words, we are naturally limited to seeing the world in a very particular human way that is very different from a bat’s, for example. However, given our unique conceptual brainpower with its ability to imagine what does not exist, we developed mind mechanisms, including mathematics, with which we can measure and experiment, invent and create in such a way as to develop extensive knowledge of the physical world beyond what our senses can pick up. So we know all about subatomic particles, molecules, black holes, the probable origin of the universe, cells, and X-rays without being able to have a direct experience of them. In short, our inherently biased and limited view of reality is expanded by our reasoning faculties beyond what the senses are able to register to include vast swaths of the collectively verifiable physical reality around us that is not accessible through the senses.

Geographical and ecological environments

Now, how about different ways reality shows up in our consciousness depending on ecological and geographical factors? With the same senses, we experience reality very differently depending on the environment we live in and by implication, the stories, myths, and cultural envelopes we create are very different from one place to another. A tribe in the middle of the Amazon jungle has very different views on life than the farmers high up in the Swiss Alps. Could they conceivably share the same circle of truth and a common view of reality?

Mindsight and the development of inner clarity

And how about the world of individual subjective experience, the mind and the imagination that gives rise to other cultural phenomena, such as personal views, artistic expression, philosophical and religious beliefs? Some societies do not recognize subjective experience. Each individual is a function of the collective and ‘naturally’ behaves and sees the world as its expression by subsuming the subjective under the collective. In our culture, we must begin with the notion of our organism as an open complex system. When through trauma or other influences this organism is intrapsychically divided into competing parts that do not communicate well with each other, we display physical and psychological symptoms of all kinds, because the organism struggles with entrenched states of chaos and rigidity it has no way of processing towards integration without external help. Non-integrated organismic states make it impossible for the person to see reality clearly, the way looking through a fractured windshield makes it impossible to see the road clearly or a disorganized orchestra with non-communicative players is unable to play a symphony one would want to listen to.

Developing a clear mind through mindsight (remembering that the mind is embodied and includes the heart, the guts, and the whole body) is, therefore, a crucial precondition to seeing the truth. At the level of this step, we already have love emerging: Mindsight can only develop through the combination of focused attention, open awareness, and kind disposition on the basis of strong intention. Daniel Siegel‘s COAL (Curiosity, Openness, Acceptance, and Love as the emerging property of the first three) is a precondition for deep insight and wisdom. In collective societies, in which subjective experience is completely subsumed into the collective mind, it is the medicine man or wise elder of the tribe who is responsible for guiding the individuals between the Scylla of chaos and the Charybdis of rigidity towards an integrated societal functioning. The way he or she does it is no less imbued by the principles of COAL we apply to our own individuality. If it isn’t, the tribe fractures and does not thrive. To summarize then, the development of mindsight through COAL, whether individually or collectively, results in a far less distorted view of reality we can, therefore, all share, because defensive mind mechanisms that lead to distortions of view, experience, reality, and truth by throwing the individual or collective organism into chaos or rigidity, can be relinquished in favor of more integrated, and both intra- and interpersonally attuned connections to reality.

As an example, someone suffering from complex childhood trauma may get triggered by a comment you make, even though your comment is not ill-intentioned, nor aggressive. The person’s reaction is to immediately fall into the childhood survival situation, disconnect from the socially-engaged middle prefrontal cortex (MPC) and experience a brainstem activation in the form of a fight/flight situation. The moment that happens, the person is incapable of attuning, hearing what you really say, repair if necessary, and process the situation from the present perspective where there may be no danger at all, and instead unconsciously projects the childhood trauma onto the present moment. The result is that this person cannot see the truth, nor reality as it is. She can only see a long-gone reality that does not exist anymore, thus distorting what is going on in the present moment.

Mindful learning

Mindsight and getting better at reaching integrated states for oneself is not enough to discover the universality of truth. A second ingredient is mindful learning, which Ellen Langer has explored in detail. The essence of mindful learning is to offer learning material in a conditional format rather than as a series of absolute truths. Universal and absolute truth are not the same. Absolute truth is in fact not truth at all, but simply a stubbornly-held rigid opinion about how things are. Mindful learning requires us to keep an open mind about the contexts to which new information can be applied. To foster this openness in a practical way, we use spacious terms such as ‘might’, ‘can be’, ‘could be’, ‘might entail’, ‘may on occasion’, ‘could involve’, ‘may have’, and ‘could have been’, rather than foreclosing ones such as ‘is’, ‘are’, or ‘were’. Mindful learning lets us know what quantum physicists already know from their experiments, that the outcome of our experiences is shaped in part by our own attitude, which shapes the direction of our learning. Mindful learning consists of openness to novelty, alertness to distinctions from which we create categories, sensitivity to different contexts, implicit if not explicit awareness of multiple perspectives, and orientation to the present. This encourages the mind to disentangle itself from premature conclusions, categorizations, and routinized ways of perceiving and thinking.

Certainty eliminates the need to pay attention, and without precise attention, we miss the details that reveal reality. Given that the world around us is always in flux, our certainty is an illusion. Mindful learning involves concepts such as intelligent ignorance, flexible thinking, avoidance of premature cognitive commitments, and creative uncertainty. It is neither top-down conceptually averaged and conditioned learning (I miss the uniqueness of this flower I see right now because long ago I created the category ‘flower’ from many different flowers I saw, making it more expedient for me to just project the category on this unique flower I see now), nor bottom-up formlessly creative learning; neither left-brain (linguistics, linearity, logic, literal thinking) nor right-brain (non-verbal, holistic, visuospatial, embodied) learning; it is rather a sideways stance of learning, an orthogonal shift in awareness, where left- and right-brain styles, top-down and bottom-up processing are intertwined, where learners are conditional in how they take in information and uncertainty is a friend. Creative uncertainty strengthens learning and makes the learning experience more enjoyable and accessible to Being beyond doing. With this kind of learning, we are clear about what we know, what we don’t know, and how different perspectives illuminate aspects of reality we may not be able to see ourselves. Again, as previously seen in our discussion of mindsight, this kind of learning comes with an attitude of openness and kindness towards what seems foreign, unintelligible, unknown, or even absurd.

Consilience

Mindful learning sets the stage for people with mindsight to meaningfully dialogue and hear each other without exclusion or dogmatism, at which point a third ingredient will close the loop that makes it possible for us to rethink the tower of Babel. There is a way of developing a common vocabulary across the different ways and modes of knowing to be able to transcend our limited views and converse about our common reality. It is an approach to knowing about what it means to be human that allows us to draw on all the different disciplines of science and other ways of knowing (art, philosophy, mindsight, jurisprudence, carpentry, etc.); E. O. Wilson calls that consilience. The consilience approach honors subjectivity as much as science. Consilience takes many different ways of pursuing knowledge through science and other means and finds the universal principles that emerge when you see these independent disciplines as a whole. Consilience means finding universal principles across separate ways of knowing.

The combination of mindsight, mindful learning, and consilience integrates not only one’s organism but also one’s relationships with others, thereby making it possible to humbly respect and accept other people’s views as facets of the elephant of reality we are trying to see. Views that are difficult to assimilate do not get rejected but are seen within a larger context. By combining principles from different ways of knowing we are afforded the opportunity to see a larger picture, the whole, or at least as much as possible of the elephant of truth. To rephrase, the deeper our knowledge and understanding of, and our attunement with the human condition is, the more of the elephant of truth can we see and share.

Lies

I wish I had Trump as my patient – I would feel more knowledgeable about the psychology of lying. He symbolizes everything that can be wrong in a society, and we should not forget that he can only occupy the post he does when a majority of citizens collude with what is emerging now as a collective psychological madness, which includes ‘pathological lying, habitual and institutionalized corruption, dishonesty, serial groping, casual racism, the glorification of violence, winking to Nazis, laziness, impulsiveness, childish tantrums, bottomless ignorance, vanity, insecurity, vulnerability to flattery, bullying, crudity, indifference to suffering, incompetence, rabid narcissism, chaos in the White House, attacks on America’s allies and support for its foes, contempt for experts and for expertise, for truth and the press, for norms and conventions, for checks and balances, for limited government, for the very rule of law’ (adapted from Andrew Coyne: The virus of Trumpism and his infectious moral failings – Globe and Mail, Saturday, February 8, 2020).

Lies are part of reality, as are deception and delusion, but they are not part of truth. With mindsight, mindful learning, and consilience, developed through learning the technique of kind attentiveness, we learn to discern the difference between distortion and clarity, falsity and veracity, manipulation and guidance, domination and leadership, rhetoric and reason, demagogy and unification. This complex process of reality exploration makes us generally less vulnerable to succumb to lies. The kindly attentive mind has the patience of learning about context through complex analyses from established and trustworthy sources, and not just react emotionally to meaningless social media clips and news flashes. No information, no news, no opinion is unbiased, but there is a difference between bias and lie. The bias prefers certain parts of the elephant of truth, openly admits it, and remains open to other biases. The lie tells a story, either consciously or unconsciously, that distorts or hides the elephant of truth, and is incompatible with it. Most lies are toxic, although some can be skillful and life-affirming, such as a lie that gets you out of a concentration camp.

The healing power of truth and now

Having laid the foundations for seeing truth from a more multifaceted and holistic perspective, we now have to ask ourselves why truth is so important. It is said that the truth shall set you free, but why?

We have already seen that access to truth requires certain attributes that hinge on being consistent with reality and fact: Focused attention, open awareness, kind disposition, strong intention, humility, honesty, and integrity. As the etymology of the word ‘integrity’ reveals, integration is at the core of truth. Integration is the process by which the parts of a system link together without losing their differentiated uniqueness, and like in a dance of two connected individuals, give rise to a whole that is larger than the sum of its parts. Where there is integration, integrity, and an easy relationship to truth, in other words, a resonance with facts, whether we like them or not, our organism does not need to tense up, create reality-distorting defenses and fight against itself. Little energy gets wasted in defensiveness and having to then deal with the toxic consequences of it on the organism and its environment. Once we see what is true and real, however painful it may be, we gain the freedom of choice for potential corrective actions. This is also what it means to access the present moment, the now. We only assume to have such freedom but really don’t when we are caught in deception and the distortions of mind constructions outside the now. Deception is like having a termite-infested basement with a locked basement door. While the foundations are slowly eroding and eventually leading to collapse, we blissfully pretend that everything is fine and are terribly surprised the day the roof collapses on us. When we challenge ourselves to see the truth and open the basement door, we sure do not feel good about discovering the termite mess. However, this pain corresponds to the clarity of seeing the truth and gives us the opportunity to address the termite problem. It is the essence of what it means to be here now. Action based on truth keeps us grounded in what’s real, which is what’s now, and a clear vision of reality sets us free by giving us the freedom to act skilfully in accordance with context and circumstance. We don’t end up meeting surprises coming from truth distortions, such as when castles built in the air collapse. Bad neighborhoods are only in the mind’s constructions, and the present is a much more benevolent place. As Hamlet said: “Nothing is either good or bad, only thinking makes it so.”

2. LOVE

So truth reveals itself through integration, and integration happens now, leading to a sense of peace and well-being, which in turn engenders trust by calming our reptilian fight/flight/freeze systems and connecting us to ourselves and each other through attunement. That open connectivity between most or all parts of who we are means that nothing real gets excluded from consciousness. Confidence arises that no locked basement doors impede access to hidden catastrophes, and the trust that grows on this basis allows the elements of COAL we trained all along to grow, including the emerging property of love, however difficult reality might be. Through truth, we thus discover love and vice versa. The simple act of facing truth and reality, which inevitably requires attention and COAL, is an act of love. The simple surrender to the universe ‘as it is’ is an act of love. All acts of love bring peace and equanimity in a very deep way. This is why transcendence and emptiness, the result of reality and truth having been revealed at their deepest level, are pure love, and this is why in vernacular parlance or New Age rhapsody people keep proclaiming the benefits of discovering the universe’s benevolence. It is not the universe that is benevolent, for it is first and foremost awe-inspiring, frighteningly gigantic with brute power and endlessly fascinating. What’s benevolent is the present moment in comparison to the mind’s constructions; our new, mindful way of meeting our human experience unencumbered by resistance as the unfolding universe becoming conscious of itself. Our sheer existence becomes love in action in the form of transcendental Being.

3. A LETTER FROM PAUL TO THE CORINTHIANS

It is fascinating to find in the Bible of all places, a passage that could have been written with Interpersonal Neurobiology in mind. I insert my comments in red throughout the text:
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. Non-attachment, no rope burn.
5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Non-attachment, no rope burn.
6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Truth at the root of love.
7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Fosters the processes of integration.
8 Love never fails. Because it is beyond the problem-solving mind. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; love tethers us to the present moment away from future preoccupations; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; love is beyond what’s conceptually graspable and words; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. Love is the highest form of knowledge beyond left-brain rationalizations.
9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part,
10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. The conceptual mind parses reality and cannot see context and wholeness.
11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.
12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. When caught in left-brain reasoning we are caught in virtual conceptual reality and only see the menu, never the meal. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. Left and right brain balance is essential to see the whole elephant of truth, and thereby fully know oneself.
13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen. This means that when we clearly see the ways and laws of the unfolding universe, which we are a manifestation of, hopes for the future become tangible knowledge in the present and we appreciate reality’s hidden complexities as the most obvious foundations of wisdom. But the greatest of these is love, because it is the emerging property of such clarity of view allowing us to roam freely and easily in life’s marketplace as manifestations of the transcendental emptiness of Being.

Copyright © 2020 by Dr. Stéphane Treyvaud. All rights reserved.

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Depth in Mindfulness

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My soon to be posted YouTube video 'Language and Thinking Modes' might serve as a good introduction to how my writing is best read. Most of my writings require the conscious act of identifying the embodied reality to which the written words point. Literature is written in a metaphorical language mode that automatically bypasses the disembodied left-brain intellectual function and activates the holistically embodied right-brain engagement that transforms the reader. Not necessarily so with conceptual writing such as this, which may easily be misunderstood as a purely intellectual exercise for specialists without much practical relevance, let alone transformative power. This can be changed with the knowledge that this text is the linguistic expression of embodied mental experiences we discover through in-depth mind explorations, such as those we engage in through mindfulness and mindsight training. If you invest attentional and awareness energy to discover in your own embodied experience what I write about, you will find your engagement with the text transformative.

A metaphor is a figure of speech that asserts that two dissimilar things are identical. Its formula is ‘this is that’. For example, ‘your argument is a slippery slope’, or ‘you are my favorite movie’. Notice how your mind blows open when the narrower first concept (‘argument’ for example) gets identified with a second image (‘slippery slope’). The imaginative space explodes out of its conceptual restrictions into a vast, limitless spaciousness that engages our whole embodied experience as it melts away into the unconscious, and therefore can never be fully grasped. In other words, a metaphor like ‘this deer ran by us like a greased lightning’ never ceases to open new spaces of the imagination, in contrast to denotations (explicit meanings like ‘this book is on the table’) that restrict meaning to clear definitions.

Metaphors are right-hemispheric phenomena that both historically and epistemologically come before left-hemispheric denotations. The implicitly encoded fuzzy explosion of non-graspable meaning of metaphors is from an evolutionary point of view an earlier brain function than the sharply delineated explicit meaning of denotation. In other words, before through abstraction we can explicitly see clearly, we absorb reality in non-distinct ways through complex implicitly encoded embodied intuitions.

Nothing can be explicitly clear before having first implicitly existed in a faintly murky fashion. Thus, metaphor is how the truly new (not just the novel) announces its existence, while explicit knowledge with its seductive clarity keeps returning and tying us down to what we already know. Explicit knowing, which comes with a sense of seeing clearly, is always seeing something already known, and therefore cannot possibly be anything truly new and creative. It is mostly a cognitive re-presentation ‘in our heads’ devoid of the complexity of presence (presentation) – just a thought, not full presence.

The choice of metaphor therefore determines our level of understanding of the world and ourselves. We are subject to an imaginative countermovement that seems paradoxical: On one hand, we need to become permeable to and to some extent penetrate the implicit realm that is ‘beyond’ the surface of what can be explicitly stated and grasped, yet on the other hand we simultaneously must always and inevitably return back to the explicit realm for reasons of communication.

A metaphor that characterizes mindfulness is depth, which as a non-distinct language trope refuses to be grasped. Depth connotes (not denotes) something lying beyond the seemingly obvious. It is not just a word for a measured distance, but instead captures our holistic intuition of limitlessness and immeasurable surprise and resonates with layers of our being beyond the imaginable. It is what we may think of as context, which envelopes the obviously clear both around and beyond it as if in three-dimensional space. What’s clearly in focus as knowledge lives surrounded by the murky depth of unknowing it depends on, like the biodiversity of individual species and specimens finds its most powerful source in the murky marshes and impenetrable forests of nature.

To bring things into clear focus is the left brain’s task. But remember, what is brought into clear focus is a re-presentation, not presence, and always already-known knowledge. Furthermore, the left brain abstracts its content from its context to give us clarity at the expense of a holistic vision and wisdom. We have the illusion of knowing what is in clear focus, when in reality it is just a paired-down, simplified, even impoverished version of itself in the form of an information bit – useful, yet devoid of life. To see something clearly is to know it only partially, not as it really is, largely devoid of embodied experience and presence.

To really know something deeply as it really is, to honor its depth, in other words, the clear attentional focus function of the left brain needs to be married to the contextual awareness function of the right brain that provides access to depth. The context that the right hemisphere provides allows for a holistic apprehension of what is in clear focus, resulting in a complete vision of real reality that combines the experience of knowledge with embodied presence and wisdom. Clarity is married to depth, left- and right-brain functions are finely coordinated like a finely attuned Tango dance. Only then do we see reality as it really is, which paradoxically is not at all what we believe to be objective reality.

My programs are an invitation to explore these depths of the human mind, the most complex phenomenon of the known universe.

Copyright © 2024 by Dr. Stéphane Treyvaud. All rights reserved.

The Last Doge of Venice and Life's Unsettling Magnificence

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On May 12, 1797, with Napoleon’s troops lined up for an attack on the shores of the lagoon, the great Council of Venice met for the last time and abdicated in favour of a revolutionary government controlled by the French military command. On May 15, 1797, the last doge Ludovico Manin left the Palazzo Ducale forever. That was how the thousand-year-old history of the Republic of Venice ended.

Ludovico Manin, May 12, 1797,
last doge of Venice

In this painting from 1887 by Vittorio Bressanin, the elderly senator descends the Giants’ Staircase of the Palazzo Ducale. Far from reading decadence, we can sense a reflection on the intimate drama historically experienced by the magistrate. Dressed in full majestic attire with the old-fashioned wig and the famous red gown of Venetian Senate members he becomes a symbol of the entire city and its thousand-year history. His heavy steps and lowered gaze show both dignity and resignation as we can feel the agony of a grand era meeting its demise.

Giants' Staircase, Palazzo Ducale, Venice
Palazzo Ducale, Venice

The thousand little deaths we encounter in meditation in preparation for the final transition of this life’s journey came to mind as I stopped dead in my tracks in front of this painting. Our lives have a similar grandeur replete with a mosaic of tradition and new discoveries, arguments and agreements, accomplishments and failures, satisfactions and disappointments, celebrations and funerals, gains and losses. The drama takes several intermingling shapes like tragedy, comedy, romance and satire brought forth by the dance between our left and right brain. Reality and all human experience, no matter of what ilk, is always complex, never simplistic, a rich tapestry of contradictory and complementary energy flows vying for harmony between the extremes of chaos and rigidity.

There always comes the time, sooner or later, smaller or bigger, more subtly or fiercely, when the drama finds its demise. Can we sail off into the sunset with dignified rather than defeated resignation? Can we slowly develop over the course of the many mini-deaths of our practice the majestic elegance of a passing storm that allows us to dance with the flow of destiny no matter what pleasant or unpleasant currents move us? That is what I might view as the grand undertaking of mindfulness and meditation. The person that we are is a dynamic exchange between the executive ego, the integrating self and the mysterious vastness of the mostly non-conscious organism, partaking in a life that for better or for worse must be lived. And lived it is, more or less skillfully, with more or less suffering, never perfect, always sloppily meandering across the landscape of necessities, seeking an elusive freedom that tends to recede behind the many conditionings that unawares imprison us. When lived fully, which means with a minimal amount of hesitations and regrets, the full catastrophe of life is well worth its tribulations, unapologetically splendid and impressive, and deserving of a dignified nod to impermanence as we learn through mindfulness how to let go, how to get out of our own way, living freely and easily in the market place, and rejoicing in our internal resurrection from the ashes of ignorance.

Copyright © 2024 by Dr. Stéphane Treyvaud. All rights reserved.

Impatience, Time and Nothingness

I am looking to circumambulate two propositions: That impatience stems from a skewed relationship with time, while nothingness and the serious engagement with death are profoundly integrating and healing.

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June 16, 2023

I am looking to circumambulate two propositions: That impatience stems from a skewed relationship with time, while nothingness and the serious engagement with death are profoundly integrating and healing.

“I had the flu and was too sick to practice meditation.” “My father-in-law died, and I had to stop practicing because we were too busy taking care of family stuff.” “After ten minutes of practice, I get impatient, uptight, need to move around, and have to stop my practice.” “I was so distracted that I was not able to practice.” Does this sound familiar?

What if I told you that no conceivable life circumstance can hinder your practice, and unless you don’t want to practice, the inability to practice does in most circumstances not exist? What if the above statements would have to be rewritten as follows? “I had the flu and was so sick and overwhelmed that I did not feel like or know how to use my meditation tools.” “My father-in-law died, and I stopped practicing because the hustle and bustle of the circumstance increased my mind’s forgetting function and thereby strengthened conceptually constructed illusions.” “After ten minutes of practice, I get impatient, uptight, need to move around, and I don’t have the experience to check what skills are missing in my practice.” “I was so distracted that I forgot that the distraction is itself a mental state like any other to be held in awareness and explored.”

Let me be clear: I am not saying that everybody should or can practice mindfulness meditation, or that there are no contraindications to doing so. I am simply addressing the unsuspecting majority of people who have legitimately taken steps to begin mindfulness meditation training and end up happily deceived by rationalizations to give up.

Because humans are fickle and crave instant results, it cannot be emphasized enough that mindfulness meditation is a skill to be learned, honed, and practiced over a long period of time – a thousand years on average. We are not talking about practicing a skill so that eventually we will arrive at the promised land while in the meantime we toil in hell. We are practicing this skill because the very act of doing so is the promised land. Immediately, when seen this way, we realize that the promised land sits on the ruins of etymology – ‘pro-mittere’ in Latin means ‘release/letting go/send forward’ (mission). What’s forward in this notion of ‘promised’ is the vast unknown of creativity, and by releasing into it we submit to the principle of impermanence that always changes everything without ever being static. Done skillfully, this opening to the unknown is called meditation, the gift that keeps on giving in the form of noticing improvement. What a delight to have no other goal than noticing improvement. On this path, unexamined impatience has no place. Mastering the right techniques is essential for success, success meaning a significant decrease, if not even disappearance of suffering when we realize that we are always already there where we are supposed to be.

When we appreciate the mind as the most complex phenomenon in the known universe, which thanks to all its splendor also affords us a limitless capacity for self-deception, we will hardly fall prey to cavalier attitudes believing that in a few weeks of training, we can know how to meditate, and life will all be better. Take just these three statements seriously – that mindfulness meditation is the hardest thing you will ever pursue in your life, that it takes a thousand years of training in learning precise mind tools, and that with the mind you are up against the most complex phenomenon in the known universe – and you will solve almost all challenges presented to you by the mind on this fascinating journey of discovering its nature, the nature of reality and truth, and the many ways we construct reality and let it affect our lives.

Impatience is one of those poorly recognized states of mind that interferes with all manner of growth and healing. Yearning for quick fixes and therapy shopping from one to the next in the hope of finding the imagined final solution to one’s problems is a ubiquitous mind trap one has to guard against. Desperate for water in the middle of the desert, digging one hundred shallow wells will not yield results; you have to dig one deep well, and that takes patience and time. This causes us to come face-to-face with another facet of the reality we usually quite desperately and unconsciously avoid like the plague – nothingness. Patience and impatience, time and nothingness are thus closely related topics central to mindfulness meditation and one’s healing journey in general.

Here is the mystery: You have more than a thousand years ahead of you because the thousand-year journey is timeless with no duration. It is a journey to nowhere one might feel one needs to go, achieving nothing one believes needs to be done, changing nothing one has the urge to escape from, and providing the freedom to be nobody else than who one already is. With no place to get to, it is a curious journey beginning at King’s Cross Station and involving platform 9¾. Everything is already there, including the end of suffering – all you must do is cultivate the mindset that gets you through the concrete pillar. To the untrained mind, the pillar is impenetrable and platform 9¾ non-existent, and finding the end of suffering appears as a daunting, almost insurmountable proposition. To the trained mind it is clear and simple, an orthogonal shift to a multidimensional awareness mode.
‘Orthogonal’ (Greek) means ‘at a right angle’, and I remember encountering this metaphor in Jon Kabat-Zinn’s work. So let me briefly yield to his words before continuing (Jon Kabat-Zinn, ‘Coming To Our Senses’, 2005 first edition, extracts from p. 347-351):

“As a rule, we humans have been admirable explorers and inhabitants of conventional reality, the world ‘out there’ defined and modulated by our five classical senses. We have made ourselves at home within that world, and have learned to shape it to our needs and desires over the brief course of human history. We understand cause and effect in the physical world. …
And yet even within science, looking at the edges, it is not so clear that we comprehend underlying reality, which seems disturbingly statistical, unpredictable, and mysterious. …
In the conventional everyday reality of lived experience … we dwell mostly accepting the appearance of things and create quasi-comfortable explanations for ourselves about how things are and why they are that way … really-not-looking-but-pretending-to-yourself-that-you-are.…
All the while, we are immersed in a stream of thoughts whose origins and content are frequently unclear to us and which can be obsessive, repetitive, inaccurate, disturbingly unrelenting and toxic, all of which both colour the present moment and screen it from us. Moreover, we are frequently hijacked by emotions we cannot control and that can cause great harm to ourselves and to others ….
Unpleasant moments are bewildering and disconcerting. So they are apt to be written off as aberrations or impediments to the ever-hoped-for happiness we are seeking and the story we build around it. … Alternatively, we might build an equally tenacious unpleasant story around our failures, our inadequacies, and our misdeeds to explain why we cannot transcend our limitations and our karma, and then, in thinking that it is all true, forget that it is just one more story we are telling ourselves, and cling desperately to it as if our very identity, our very survival, and all hope were unquestionably bound to it. … What we also forget is that the conventional, consensus reality we call the human condition is itself inexorably and strongly conditioned in the Pavlovian sense. … all this conditioning adds up to the appearance of a life, but often one that remains disturbingly superficial and unsatisfying, with a lingering sense that there must be something more, …
Such discomfort … may be all pervasive, a kind of silent background radiation of dissatisfaction in us all that, as a rule, we don’t talk about. Usually it is unilluminating, just oppressive.
But, when we look into what that disaffection, that background unsatisfactoriness actually is, when we are drawn to actually question and look into ‘who is suffering?’ in this moment, we are undertaking an exploration of another dimension of reality altogether – one that offers unrecognized but ever-available freedom from the confining prison of the conventional thought world, …
The process feels like nothing other than an awakening from a consensus trance, a dream world, and thus all of a sudden acquiring multiple degrees of freedom, … It is akin to the transition from a two-dimensional ‘flatland’ into a third spatial dimension, at right angles (orthogonal) to the other two. Everything opens up, although the two old dimensions are the same as they always were, just less confining. …
… we are initiating nothing less than a rotation in consciousness into another ‘dimension’, orthogonal to conventional reality, and thus, able to pertain at the same time as the more conventional one because you have simply ‘added more space’. Nothing needs to change. It’s just that your world immediately becomes a lot bigger, and more real. Everything old looks different because it is now being seen in a new light – an awareness that is no longer confined by the conventional dimensionality and mind set.
… [this is] a glimpse of what Buddhists refer to as absolute or ultimate reality, a dimensionality that is beyond conditioning but that is capable of recognizing conditioning as it arises. It is awareness itself, the knowing capacity of mind itself, beyond a knower and what is known, just knowing.
When we reside in awareness, we are resting in what we might call an orthogonal reality that is more fundamental than conventional reality, and every bit as real.
The conventional reality is not ‘wrong’. It is merely incomplete. And therein lies the source of both our suffering and our liberation from suffering.”

Kabat-Zinn does not directly talk about the three awareness modes I have been exploring in detail with my students in the Mindsight Intensive, the fields of consciousness, nothingness, and emptiness. A deeper exploration of those must be left for elsewhere. We can, however, taste some aspects of this journey towards freedom by recognizing how unique the expectations are with which we must take on meditation.

Meditation offers us a powerful sequence of interrelated processes serving as a royal road to deep peace – impatience resulting from a skewed relationship to time vanishes through the examination of the nature of time to make room for patience necessary to discover the inevitability of coming face-to-face with nothingness and death. Impatience, time, patience, and nothingness/death are basic realities on our path to liberation.

Once you master the basic tools used by the meditation guild and have gained some expertise in navigating the complex neighborhoods of your mind, you then must give the fire of awareness time to transform the mind’s energy flow and the brain’s neurofiring patterns – not unlike having mixed all your ingredients into your soup, and then giving the heat time to cook it. Easier said than done. During that time of ‘hanging in there’ without agenda, stabilizing attention one-pointedly on an object of awareness, and allowing everything else to unfold in the background of peripheral awareness with an open and accepting attitude full of curiosity, you invite and allow everything to be just as it is. Remember that you are not ‘hanging in there’ for a specific gain, but because it is so deeply healing just noticing improvement.

How much time do you need? Ten minutes, half an hour, an hour, a day? On this level of discourse, an hour a day of formal practice for the rest of your seven lifetimes is a good cruising velocity. The soup will cook nicely – you will accept with ever greater ease and elegance the satisfaction of noticing improvement for its own sake. However, most people crumble under the weight of time way before the hour has passed. Quite quickly, conditioned organismic processes make themselves felt in a variety of highly unpleasant experiences that drive us to abandon our cushions. The antidote? Access to timelessness

But how do we find timelessness within our time-bound lives? If you can’t trust your own subjective observation of the mind, you can trust physics to tell you that time is not a fundamental feature of reality. In other words, we must examine how our mind constructs time. It is thus not primarily about keeping track of the number of minutes you practice (although this number does give you a clue about your level of skill), but more about your skill in examining the ways numbers and minutes get constructed in your mind. In a more overarching way, it is about developing a clear sense of the subjective experiences created by the brain’s default mode network (the constructor) as distinguished from a very different set of experiences we call ‘the conduit’.

The default mode network’s constructor is the mind function that uninterruptedly creates stories. It is responsible for the incessant mind chatter filled with content and meaning we are all not only so familiar with but also so profoundly and completely identified with, that we end up confusing its content with reality. The conduit, on the other hand, is the entirety of direct somatic and sensory-motor experiences, which don’t have a content or storyline with meaning we can follow. These are the experiences we have through the external five senses of touch, sight, sound, taste, and smell, and the physical sensations in the body. In short, the real reality that gets directly presented to us through the conduit becomes transformed by the constructor (default mode network) into a virtual re-presented reality. The constructor is like a menu you read or a map you consult – though intellectually useful and interesting, it will never slake your hunger, quench your thirst, or immerse you in the landscape. The conduit is the actual meal you eat or the territory you hike in. We are so not used to realizing how virtual our thoughts, beliefs, and stories are, that we constantly confuse them with reality. This results in disembodied, stressed lives lived ‘in our heads’ in times (past and future) that don’t exist.

The moment your meditation dives into the intricacies of that construction, recognizing it as such and not confusing it with reality anymore, you discover that the foundation upon which you live is the conduit with its timeless moments that flow like a river to nowhere. Indeed, the stories of your construction themselves turn out to be no more than energy flow processes, not finished products experienced as truths for sale to other people. Consequently, even deeply held beliefs and meaning become no more than a fleeting appearance like the clouds in the sky. This applies equally to the construction of time, which can be directly observed, both individually and culturally in cultures without clocks or a sense of time like ours. Upon close examination, both conduit and constructor unveil their fleeting nakedness as they slip through our fingers like water we try to grasp. Your relationship with time changes profoundly.

When steeped in that conduit, the sense of ‘not being able to bear it anymore’ dissipates for several reasons. ‘I am not able to bear it anymore’ is recognized as just a thought, a construction, not real reality. As such it is as fleeting an energy flow as any other. Now grounded in conduit without any of the goals and meanings created by the constructor, you can recognize resistances and defenses that cause the experience to be felt more dramatically than it really is. You can emphasize curiosity, openness, acceptance, and allowing and letting be as a way of breaking past conditionings. Finally, time is revealed to just be a fleeting construction; there is no sense of less or more time that affects your expectations of how the immediate future needs to look. You touch timelessness. In the face of that realization (‘realization’ meaning an embodied awareness of reality), conditioned organismic processes that drive you on autopilot appear in a different light. Instead of being unpleasant experiences or problems, which you feel you need to bear, solve, or escape from by leaving your cushion, they are ‘just’ complex energy flows, each with their own qualities, direction, and destiny. Ten minutes, an hour, neither is either more difficult or less productive. They are just different, and with this ‘just’ the struggle and resistance fall away. Practicing for an hour changes from being an endurance game to becoming an invigorating massage instead.

Patience with nothing is quite a treasure. Remember: Nowhere to go, nothing to do, nothing to change, nothing to know, nobody to be – nada, zilch, squat, zippo. Timelessly surrendering to the vast emptiness of Being. It is like having assembled all the soup ingredients in a pot and all you now have to do is stir occasionally while letting it simmer on the fire. When everything is said and done – dreams are cleared, emotions regulated, memories integrated, thought rivers understood, and actions wisely measured – when nothing is left to say or do, the second of the three legs of our thousand-year journey begins by confronting nothingness and death in awareness.

Neither nothingness nor death are negative or nihilistic states, nor are they pessimistic outlooks on life. Granted, from the perspective of ordinary waking consciousness we call the field of consciousness, death, and nothingness appear as dark, cold, forsaken, and gloomy realities, which in Western philosophy existentialism has wrestled with. But Western philosophy being a largely intellectual exploration within the context of ordinary everyday consciousness does not manage well to pierce through the existential despair and discover an orthogonal dimension waiting to be realized. It does not use the awareness tools necessary for that. Mindfulness meditation offers that option, and we discover that quite on the contrary, death and nothingness are optimistic, positive, dynamic, and creative. When approached properly, they affirm the value and meaning of life in the face of suffering and death and open up a new horizon of freedom and responsibility for human beings. Prepare to die wisely and you will have a full and meaningful life.

Nothingness is the ground of being, the source of all possibilities, and the ultimate reality that transcends all dualities and categories such as subject and object, self and other, life and death. Nothingness is not something that can be grasped by rational thought or empirical observation, but only by a radical transformation of one’s consciousness and existence. It can provide a way to overcome existential crises and achieve a deeper understanding of oneself and the world. The only way to overcome the nihilism of existentialism is to go through it, to face in full awareness the nothingness that lies at the bottom of human existence, and to realize that it is not a negative void filled with death, but a positive source of creativity and freedom. By awakening to this field of nothingness, one can overcome the alienation and anxiety of existentialism and attain a new mode of being that is authentic, compassionate, and open to the infinite possibilities of existence that provide a deeper sense of meaning and joy. By implication, we need death to really get to know life at its deepest.

That powerfully transformative nothingness is waiting for you in many different cloaks and disguises at every turn: When you are bored, ‘nothing’ seems to happen, it all seems always the same, you can’t stand it anymore, you are lost, you have better things to do, you are assailed by the question ‘and now what?’, you have lost all sense of life’s meaning, or you are frantically searching for an imagined something to improve the life that eternally eludes you, like Vladimir and Estragon waiting for Godot. Without falling into forgetfulness, you stop waiting, you stop searching for the elusive prize that like the mirage of an oasis forever recedes as you approach. You rest in the awareness of nothing, a rich and creative void of unimaginable spaciousness, power, quality, and luminosity, and instead of waiting, you are present, waiting for nothing as everything is already there, doing nothing as everything of essence is already done. Instead of searching, you just receive; you revel in just being. This has by the way something to do with the capacity to be alone.

One of my students recently put it beautifully in an email as a question:
“Is it possible to reach a stage in your transformative journey of the mind where things stop making any sense, seemingly out of nowhere? It’s like, you’re practicing, formally and informally, working the tools and over time, you become a fairly skilled surfer, riding the waves with a sense of relative ease, stability, and flow.
And then, seemingly out of nowhere, as you seemingly ride the same waves in the same ocean, you can’t seem to stay on the surfboard with any sense of stability anymore. But you haven’t any clue why. You just can’t. Your balance is off. You don’t know anything anymore. Seemingly without any warning, you’re a beginner again.
The only thing I can say about this is that I notice a deeper widening within me, a deeper felt grief and sadness about our world in rapid chaos, and a felt confusion around how to be with the impermanence of civilization with reverence and faith.”

There is no room left for impatience when we examine the construction of concepts and time in meditation. Impatience is the escape from the truth by trying to escape to somewhere else than where we are; it is just resistance to the inevitable truth of ‘just Being’ in our practice of ‘just sitting’ with what ‘just keeps hitting you over the head the more you try to dismiss it’. When we settle in the flow of the foundations of our Being rather than precariously balance on the rooftops of our storied existence, impatience melts away like snow in the sun. The resulting holy water inspires the daily hour we sit on our cushion to become a transformative bath in the timeless vastness of Being – like a nurturing oasis amid the vast desert of existence with its trials and tribulations that toss us to and fro.

One must resist the temptation to make ‘the flow of the foundations of Being’ or ‘the timeless vastness of Being’, or indeed ‘nothingness’ into some ‘thing’ we can eventually find, get to, or achieve. Absolute nothingness is so profound that concepts must be released as what they are – puffs of smoke. If there is any trace of something called ‘nothing’, it must be released. This also applies to death. It is a no-thing and therefore no more than a process of transformation the likes of which we have spent a lifetime absorbed in. This absolute nothingness is ‘no thing’ whatsoever, and since all we can imagine are ‘things’, ‘no thing’ cannot be imagined. Just because it cannot be imagined or thought about does not mean it cannot be lived and known – not known in the sense of intellectual knowledge of something, but in the sense of unknowable knowing even beyond intuition.

The grace of opening those further dimensions of our awareness and orthogonally falling into a larger context with more dimensions than ordinary waking consciousness comes with the realization that we own nothing, we cannot hold on to anything, we are forced to unknow everything to end suffering, we lose everything we believed we had, and we ultimately are ‘no thing’ at all. No-thing is what death reveals when we get close to it. It is also the discovery of an orthogonal dimension we did not see before. In embracing this reality, ‘we die before we die in order not to die when we die’ as Buddhists tend to put it. Dying is radiantly liberating as it dissolves our conditionings to the point of revealing death as a transformation instead of an end, and thereby an inextricable feature of a life well lived.

All of reality is transformation, and there is no more powerful way to challenge old conditionings and make room for new, creative growth than to allow us to be purified by the awareness mode of the field of nothingness.

Copyright © 2023 by Dr. Stéphane Treyvaud. All rights reserved.

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