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No Doubt – Meditation Is Complex And Not For The Faint Of Heart
Mindfulness and the complexity of Meditation.
Contrary to common views, meditation is not only not simple, but also not easy – just check the Abhidhamma for example, the core of Buddhist psychology, if you don’t believe me. ‘Just’ paying attention to the breath, for example – sounds easy enough. What’s so difficult about that? Well, having taught and accompanied hundreds of students very closely on their path, I can tell you that the easiest of instruction becomes for most people a major challenge. My first meditation teacher, the Zen master Karlfried Graf Duerckheim, once told me years ago that it took him twenty years to begin to understand and be able to get out of the way of his breath. Many traditions have refined the exploration of the mind to the umpteenth degree, and there is no escaping the infinite complexity of reality we encounter once we dive deeply into the embodied mind.
An instruction may sound simple: “Bring your attention to the somatic sensations of the movement of your breath in the region of your lower belly”, and yet there is no shortage of complexities and complications that arise as soon as the instruction is heard. Despite hearing those exact words, many simply don’t actually do what the instruction says – for example, they think about the breath or begin to create images of the breath instead. They may focus on the breath, but without the required attitude of curiosity, openness, acceptance, and love. They try to focus, but soon lose it and end up lost in some non-conscious la-la-land. They cannot withstand the many experience intrusions of the wide field of awareness as time passes and don’t know what to do with the myriads of challenges the mind throws their way. In week 9 of our 12-week mindfulness meditation courses, in which we teach in detail method, technique, and scientific evidence for what we do, one participant commented that she did not enjoy paying attention to her breath, that she didn’t practice it, and that by the way, she couldn’t understand the point of doing such a thing. As a teacher, you wonder what tortuous complexities imprison this person’s mind to the point of almost complete obliviousness to weeks of teaching. Yes, this is an extreme example, but I could go on and on giving you more of those examples unfolding on more or less subtle levels of energy flow, eventually leading to the person’s giving up on the practice.
Meditating, or more broadly speaking developing mindsight (a term coined by Daniel Siegel to describe the ability to clearly see one’s own and other people’s minds), is one of the most difficult journeys you’ll ever undertake – complex, difficult, and challenging. These days, in our era of easy soundbites we mistake for knowledge, frivolously facile simplicity we mistake for reality, and easily available quick fixes that mask the fundamental rot at the core of our being, nobody wants to hear about challenge and difficulty. We want instant quick fixes, we want things to be easy without having to invest our whole being into it. Apps and the internet facilitate that illusion – myriads of free guided meditations giving you the impression you won’t have to sweat it: ‘Bite-sized meditations for busy schedules’, ‘It only takes a few minutes to change your life’, ‘Download your free one-minute meditation guide!’, etc. These may be solid nets to catch the unsuspecting fish who has never heard of mindfulness. But in the end, that’s only the beginning of a long and arduous journey, not the destination as many people erroneously believe. The drop-out rate of people beginning to explore mindfulness and eventually giving up is impressive, and that’s a pity. Superficial curiosity and infatuation are easy, but walking through the mud of a lifelong conditioned mind is a different story.
Meditation must not only be practiced but also studied. As in all endeavors that entail the discoveries of a new discipline, in meditation we encounter things, energy flows, realities, and phenomena for which we had no words and words for which we have no experience to match. Words for new discoveries need to be coined and learned. To competently use our tools we have to know them intimately and master their use. As opposed to centuries ago, when all that was available to understand reality was self-exploration, sensory examination, literature, religion, and philosophy, we now have science that completes our picture of reality. The theory and practice of meditation are now unthinkable without scientific knowledge, which has deeply enriched our comprehension of who we may be, the universe, and reality at large.
For some students who are new to this, the necessity of having to engage the conceptual mind can feel ‘theoretical’, unsure as to how it relates to the direct experience of meditation practice. The 2-part article entitled ‘Find Your Answers In Your Speech‘ tries to address this dilemma by showing how seemingly innocuous questions posed by a student in an email entail all the answers the student is looking for if only we can learn to look beyond appearances, hear with the third ear and read between the lines of our cherished stories.
At the core of mastering the art of navigating life’s difficulties with flexibility, tenacity, and resilience like an elegant dance, and to live life being ‘free and easy in the marketplace’ as they say in Zen, is the capacity to regulate our energy flow. But do we have access to that capacity?
The organism that we are (not the body that we have) is always self-regulating on its own without ‘your’ permission or participation, I am happy to say. If evolution had relied on ‘your’ judgment to ensure survival, humanity would have never evolved past the earthworm stage. However, evolution bestowed on us our human consciousness, the capacity to think about how we think about our world, and with it the power to bungle everything up by choosing unwise actions against nature’s well established ‘wisdom’ of many tens of thousands of years, thereby interfering with our health and sanity. The main reason for that lies in our algorithmic nature resulting in a degree of automatism so extensive we can barely fathom. Way over 90% of what we believe to be free, conscious decisions in our lives, from what car we buy to what mate we chose, are in fact automatically decided for us by this organism that we are, only leaving us with the illusion to have been in control. Creating messes is not only easy but unfortunately for the most part our default setting, ironically captured in the Bible, which tells us that it only takes about 10 pages to get ourselves into such unspeakable messes, then roughly 1342 pages to get out of them. Evolution is ruthless in its drive and insistence on survival, and as the genie of consciousness has now escaped the bottle, never to be put back again, we can botch things up as much as we want – our organism will always ensure survival at all costs. But survival is not thriving. Live we will, one way or another, and our organism will regulate energy flow one way or another, with, without or despite our unwise participation; the result will always be the survival of as many human specimens as possible under ever worse conditions until the ecosystem that sustains us collapses under our ignorant stewardship. The earth and evolution don’t care one bit as our species may disappear like an afterthought into the dustbin of history, an interesting cosmic experiment gone wrong.
The sapiens curse is what I just described, our inherited ability to interfere with nature and the organism’s spontaneous regulation without the necessary experience to do so, or possessing a powerful consciousness we allow to be largely ruled by conditioned automatic reflexes we are completely unaware of. Luckily (although not necessarily accessible enough to save our species), our consciousness and the brain/body connected to it also harbor a gold mine, physically manifest as the medial prefrontal cortex (MPC), psychologically as the capacity to be mindful and develop mindsight, which can expand the notion of regulation to a whole new level. This is where mindfulness meditation comes in. But here is the rub: For millennia experienced teachers in this field have known how difficult it is. Buddha said that you must want liberation more than a drowning man wants air to be successful. Jesus talked about the many who are called (everybody wants to feel better and stop suffering …) and the few who are chosen (… but few actually have the stamina to embark on this arduous path). More recently
Dr. Moskowitz put it in the acronym ‘MIRROR’:
There can be no doubt that this is hard work, promising more ‘blood, tears, toil and sweat’ than a walk in the park. Why? The answer is quite simple: Because we are wired for autopilot, not to command wisdom on our destiny. To thrive in our age beyond the dangers of lurking predators behind the bushes means something profoundly new for the human species – namely the complex task of harnessing the power of our MPC to steer our algorithm into new directions never before trodden, the capacity to resist certain automatisms and replace them with wise and skillful action. This is a 1000-year journey requiring 10 years, 10 thousand hours of intensely motivated inquiry, research, practice, and implementation.
Copyright © 2018 by Dr. Stéphane Treyvaud. All rights reserved.
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Reflections on depth in mindfulness.
My soon to be posted YouTube video 'Language and Thinking Modes' might serve as a good introduction to how my writing is best read. Most of my writings require the conscious act of identifying the embodied reality to which the written words point. Literature is written in a metaphorical language mode that automatically bypasses the disembodied left-brain intellectual function and activates the holistically embodied right-brain engagement that transforms the reader. Not necessarily so with conceptual writing such as this, which may easily be misunderstood as a purely intellectual exercise for specialists without much practical relevance, let alone transformative power. This can be changed with the knowledge that this text is the linguistic expression of embodied mental experiences we discover through in-depth mind explorations, such as those we engage in through mindfulness and mindsight training. If you invest attentional and awareness energy to discover in your own embodied experience what I write about, you will find your engagement with the text transformative.
A metaphor is a figure of speech that asserts that two dissimilar things are identical. Its formula is ‘this is that’. For example, ‘your argument is a slippery slope’, or ‘you are my favorite movie’. Notice how your mind blows open when the narrower first concept (‘argument’ for example) gets identified with a second image (‘slippery slope’). The imaginative space explodes out of its conceptual restrictions into a vast, limitless spaciousness that engages our whole embodied experience as it melts away into the unconscious, and therefore can never be fully grasped. In other words, a metaphor like ‘this deer ran by us like a greased lightning’ never ceases to open new spaces of the imagination, in contrast to denotations (explicit meanings like ‘this book is on the table’) that restrict meaning to clear definitions.
Metaphors are right-hemispheric phenomena that both historically and epistemologically come before left-hemispheric denotations. The implicitly encoded fuzzy explosion of non-graspable meaning of metaphors is from an evolutionary point of view an earlier brain function than the sharply delineated explicit meaning of denotation. In other words, before through abstraction we can explicitly see clearly, we absorb reality in non-distinct ways through complex implicitly encoded embodied intuitions.
Nothing can be explicitly clear before having first implicitly existed in a faintly murky fashion. Thus, metaphor is how the truly new (not just the novel) announces its existence, while explicit knowledge with its seductive clarity keeps returning and tying us down to what we already know. Explicit knowing, which comes with a sense of seeing clearly, is always seeing something already known, and therefore cannot possibly be anything truly new and creative. It is mostly a cognitive re-presentation ‘in our heads’ devoid of the complexity of presence (presentation) – just a thought, not full presence.
The choice of metaphor therefore determines our level of understanding of the world and ourselves. We are subject to an imaginative countermovement that seems paradoxical: On one hand, we need to become permeable to and to some extent penetrate the implicit realm that is ‘beyond’ the surface of what can be explicitly stated and grasped, yet on the other hand we simultaneously must always and inevitably return back to the explicit realm for reasons of communication.
A metaphor that characterizes mindfulness is depth, which as a non-distinct language trope refuses to be grasped. Depth connotes (not denotes) something lying beyond the seemingly obvious. It is not just a word for a measured distance, but instead captures our holistic intuition of limitlessness and immeasurable surprise and resonates with layers of our being beyond the imaginable. It is what we may think of as context, which envelopes the obviously clear both around and beyond it as if in three-dimensional space. What’s clearly in focus as knowledge lives surrounded by the murky depth of unknowing it depends on, like the biodiversity of individual species and specimens finds its most powerful source in the murky marshes and impenetrable forests of nature.
To bring things into clear focus is the left brain’s task. But remember, what is brought into clear focus is a re-presentation, not presence, and always already-known knowledge. Furthermore, the left brain abstracts its content from its context to give us clarity at the expense of a holistic vision and wisdom. We have the illusion of knowing what is in clear focus, when in reality it is just a paired-down, simplified, even impoverished version of itself in the form of an information bit – useful, yet devoid of life. To see something clearly is to know it only partially, not as it really is, largely devoid of embodied experience and presence.
To really know something deeply as it really is, to honor its depth, in other words, the clear attentional focus function of the left brain needs to be married to the contextual awareness function of the right brain that provides access to depth. The context that the right hemisphere provides allows for a holistic apprehension of what is in clear focus, resulting in a complete vision of real reality that combines the experience of knowledge with embodied presence and wisdom. Clarity is married to depth, left- and right-brain functions are finely coordinated like a finely attuned Tango dance. Only then do we see reality as it really is, which paradoxically is not at all what we believe to be objective reality.
My programs are an invitation to explore these depths of the human mind, the most complex phenomenon of the known universe.
Copyright © 2024 by Dr. Stéphane Treyvaud. All rights reserved.
The ego is an esteemed member of a person's life adventure.
On May 12, 1797, with Napoleon’s troops lined up for an attack on the shores of the lagoon, the great Council of Venice met for the last time and abdicated in favour of a revolutionary government controlled by the French military command. On May 15, 1797, the last doge Ludovico Manin left the Palazzo Ducale forever. That was how the thousand-year-old history of the Republic of Venice ended.
last doge of Venice
In this painting from 1887 by Vittorio Bressanin, the elderly senator descends the Giants’ Staircase of the Palazzo Ducale. Far from reading decadence, we can sense a reflection on the intimate drama historically experienced by the magistrate. Dressed in full majestic attire with the old-fashioned wig and the famous red gown of Venetian Senate members he becomes a symbol of the entire city and its thousand-year history. His heavy steps and lowered gaze show both dignity and resignation as we can feel the agony of a grand era meeting its demise.
The thousand little deaths we encounter in meditation in preparation for the final transition of this life’s journey came to mind as I stopped dead in my tracks in front of this painting. Our lives have a similar grandeur replete with a mosaic of tradition and new discoveries, arguments and agreements, accomplishments and failures, satisfactions and disappointments, celebrations and funerals, gains and losses. The drama takes several intermingling shapes like tragedy, comedy, romance and satire brought forth by the dance between our left and right brain. Reality and all human experience, no matter of what ilk, is always complex, never simplistic, a rich tapestry of contradictory and complementary energy flows vying for harmony between the extremes of chaos and rigidity.
There always comes the time, sooner or later, smaller or bigger, more subtly or fiercely, when the drama finds its demise. Can we sail off into the sunset with dignified rather than defeated resignation? Can we slowly develop over the course of the many mini-deaths of our practice the majestic elegance of a passing storm that allows us to dance with the flow of destiny no matter what pleasant or unpleasant currents move us? That is what I might view as the grand undertaking of mindfulness and meditation. The person that we are is a dynamic exchange between the executive ego, the integrating self and the mysterious vastness of the mostly non-conscious organism, partaking in a life that for better or for worse must be lived. And lived it is, more or less skillfully, with more or less suffering, never perfect, always sloppily meandering across the landscape of necessities, seeking an elusive freedom that tends to recede behind the many conditionings that unawares imprison us. When lived fully, which means with a minimal amount of hesitations and regrets, the full catastrophe of life is well worth its tribulations, unapologetically splendid and impressive, and deserving of a dignified nod to impermanence as we learn through mindfulness how to let go, how to get out of our own way, living freely and easily in the market place, and rejoicing in our internal resurrection from the ashes of ignorance.
Copyright © 2024 by Dr. Stéphane Treyvaud. All rights reserved.
I am looking to circumambulate two propositions: That impatience stems from a skewed relationship with time, while nothingness and the serious engagement with death are profoundly integrating and healing.
I am looking to circumambulate two propositions: That impatience stems from a skewed relationship with time, while nothingness and the serious engagement with death are profoundly integrating and healing.
“I had the flu and was too sick to practice meditation.” “My father-in-law died, and I had to stop practicing because we were too busy taking care of family stuff.” “After ten minutes of practice, I get impatient, uptight, need to move around, and have to stop my practice.” “I was so distracted that I was not able to practice.” Does this sound familiar?
What if I told you that no conceivable life circumstance can hinder your practice, and unless you don’t want to practice, the inability to practice does in most circumstances not exist? What if the above statements would have to be rewritten as follows? “I had the flu and was so sick and overwhelmed that I did not feel like or know how to use my meditation tools.” “My father-in-law died, and I stopped practicing because the hustle and bustle of the circumstance increased my mind’s forgetting function and thereby strengthened conceptually constructed illusions.” “After ten minutes of practice, I get impatient, uptight, need to move around, and I don’t have the experience to check what skills are missing in my practice.” “I was so distracted that I forgot that the distraction is itself a mental state like any other to be held in awareness and explored.”
Let me be clear: I am not saying that everybody should or can practice mindfulness meditation, or that there are no contraindications to doing so. I am simply addressing the unsuspecting majority of people who have legitimately taken steps to begin mindfulness meditation training and end up happily deceived by rationalizations to give up.
Because humans are fickle and crave instant results, it cannot be emphasized enough that mindfulness meditation is a skill to be learned, honed, and practiced over a long period of time – a thousand years on average. We are not talking about practicing a skill so that eventually we will arrive at the promised land while in the meantime we toil in hell. We are practicing this skill because the very act of doing so is the promised land. Immediately, when seen this way, we realize that the promised land sits on the ruins of etymology – ‘pro-mittere’ in Latin means ‘release/letting go/send forward’ (mission). What’s forward in this notion of ‘promised’ is the vast unknown of creativity, and by releasing into it we submit to the principle of impermanence that always changes everything without ever being static. Done skillfully, this opening to the unknown is called meditation, the gift that keeps on giving in the form of noticing improvement. What a delight to have no other goal than noticing improvement. On this path, unexamined impatience has no place. Mastering the right techniques is essential for success, success meaning a significant decrease, if not even disappearance of suffering when we realize that we are always already there where we are supposed to be.
When we appreciate the mind as the most complex phenomenon in the known universe, which thanks to all its splendor also affords us a limitless capacity for self-deception, we will hardly fall prey to cavalier attitudes believing that in a few weeks of training, we can know how to meditate, and life will all be better. Take just these three statements seriously – that mindfulness meditation is the hardest thing you will ever pursue in your life, that it takes a thousand years of training in learning precise mind tools, and that with the mind you are up against the most complex phenomenon in the known universe – and you will solve almost all challenges presented to you by the mind on this fascinating journey of discovering its nature, the nature of reality and truth, and the many ways we construct reality and let it affect our lives.
Impatience is one of those poorly recognized states of mind that interferes with all manner of growth and healing. Yearning for quick fixes and therapy shopping from one to the next in the hope of finding the imagined final solution to one’s problems is a ubiquitous mind trap one has to guard against. Desperate for water in the middle of the desert, digging one hundred shallow wells will not yield results; you have to dig one deep well, and that takes patience and time. This causes us to come face-to-face with another facet of the reality we usually quite desperately and unconsciously avoid like the plague – nothingness. Patience and impatience, time and nothingness are thus closely related topics central to mindfulness meditation and one’s healing journey in general.
Here is the mystery: You have more than a thousand years ahead of you because the thousand-year journey is timeless with no duration. It is a journey to nowhere one might feel one needs to go, achieving nothing one believes needs to be done, changing nothing one has the urge to escape from, and providing the freedom to be nobody else than who one already is. With no place to get to, it is a curious journey beginning at King’s Cross Station and involving platform 9¾. Everything is already there, including the end of suffering – all you must do is cultivate the mindset that gets you through the concrete pillar. To the untrained mind, the pillar is impenetrable and platform 9¾ non-existent, and finding the end of suffering appears as a daunting, almost insurmountable proposition. To the trained mind it is clear and simple, an orthogonal shift to a multidimensional awareness mode.
‘Orthogonal’ (Greek) means ‘at a right angle’, and I remember encountering this metaphor in Jon Kabat-Zinn’s work. So let me briefly yield to his words before continuing (Jon Kabat-Zinn, ‘Coming To Our Senses’, 2005 first edition, extracts from p. 347-351):
“As a rule, we humans have been admirable explorers and inhabitants of conventional reality, the world ‘out there’ defined and modulated by our five classical senses. We have made ourselves at home within that world, and have learned to shape it to our needs and desires over the brief course of human history. We understand cause and effect in the physical world. …
And yet even within science, looking at the edges, it is not so clear that we comprehend underlying reality, which seems disturbingly statistical, unpredictable, and mysterious. …
In the conventional everyday reality of lived experience … we dwell mostly accepting the appearance of things and create quasi-comfortable explanations for ourselves about how things are and why they are that way … really-not-looking-but-pretending-to-yourself-that-you-are.…
All the while, we are immersed in a stream of thoughts whose origins and content are frequently unclear to us and which can be obsessive, repetitive, inaccurate, disturbingly unrelenting and toxic, all of which both colour the present moment and screen it from us. Moreover, we are frequently hijacked by emotions we cannot control and that can cause great harm to ourselves and to others ….
Unpleasant moments are bewildering and disconcerting. So they are apt to be written off as aberrations or impediments to the ever-hoped-for happiness we are seeking and the story we build around it. … Alternatively, we might build an equally tenacious unpleasant story around our failures, our inadequacies, and our misdeeds to explain why we cannot transcend our limitations and our karma, and then, in thinking that it is all true, forget that it is just one more story we are telling ourselves, and cling desperately to it as if our very identity, our very survival, and all hope were unquestionably bound to it. … What we also forget is that the conventional, consensus reality we call the human condition is itself inexorably and strongly conditioned in the Pavlovian sense. … all this conditioning adds up to the appearance of a life, but often one that remains disturbingly superficial and unsatisfying, with a lingering sense that there must be something more, …
Such discomfort … may be all pervasive, a kind of silent background radiation of dissatisfaction in us all that, as a rule, we don’t talk about. Usually it is unilluminating, just oppressive.
But, when we look into what that disaffection, that background unsatisfactoriness actually is, when we are drawn to actually question and look into ‘who is suffering?’ in this moment, we are undertaking an exploration of another dimension of reality altogether – one that offers unrecognized but ever-available freedom from the confining prison of the conventional thought world, …
The process feels like nothing other than an awakening from a consensus trance, a dream world, and thus all of a sudden acquiring multiple degrees of freedom, … It is akin to the transition from a two-dimensional ‘flatland’ into a third spatial dimension, at right angles (orthogonal) to the other two. Everything opens up, although the two old dimensions are the same as they always were, just less confining. …
… we are initiating nothing less than a rotation in consciousness into another ‘dimension’, orthogonal to conventional reality, and thus, able to pertain at the same time as the more conventional one because you have simply ‘added more space’. Nothing needs to change. It’s just that your world immediately becomes a lot bigger, and more real. Everything old looks different because it is now being seen in a new light – an awareness that is no longer confined by the conventional dimensionality and mind set.
… [this is] a glimpse of what Buddhists refer to as absolute or ultimate reality, a dimensionality that is beyond conditioning but that is capable of recognizing conditioning as it arises. It is awareness itself, the knowing capacity of mind itself, beyond a knower and what is known, just knowing.
When we reside in awareness, we are resting in what we might call an orthogonal reality that is more fundamental than conventional reality, and every bit as real.
The conventional reality is not ‘wrong’. It is merely incomplete. And therein lies the source of both our suffering and our liberation from suffering.”
Kabat-Zinn does not directly talk about the three awareness modes I have been exploring in detail with my students in the Mindsight Intensive, the fields of consciousness, nothingness, and emptiness. A deeper exploration of those must be left for elsewhere. We can, however, taste some aspects of this journey towards freedom by recognizing how unique the expectations are with which we must take on meditation.
Meditation offers us a powerful sequence of interrelated processes serving as a royal road to deep peace – impatience resulting from a skewed relationship to time vanishes through the examination of the nature of time to make room for patience necessary to discover the inevitability of coming face-to-face with nothingness and death. Impatience, time, patience, and nothingness/death are basic realities on our path to liberation.
Once you master the basic tools used by the meditation guild and have gained some expertise in navigating the complex neighborhoods of your mind, you then must give the fire of awareness time to transform the mind’s energy flow and the brain’s neurofiring patterns – not unlike having mixed all your ingredients into your soup, and then giving the heat time to cook it. Easier said than done. During that time of ‘hanging in there’ without agenda, stabilizing attention one-pointedly on an object of awareness, and allowing everything else to unfold in the background of peripheral awareness with an open and accepting attitude full of curiosity, you invite and allow everything to be just as it is. Remember that you are not ‘hanging in there’ for a specific gain, but because it is so deeply healing just noticing improvement.
How much time do you need? Ten minutes, half an hour, an hour, a day? On this level of discourse, an hour a day of formal practice for the rest of your seven lifetimes is a good cruising velocity. The soup will cook nicely – you will accept with ever greater ease and elegance the satisfaction of noticing improvement for its own sake. However, most people crumble under the weight of time way before the hour has passed. Quite quickly, conditioned organismic processes make themselves felt in a variety of highly unpleasant experiences that drive us to abandon our cushions. The antidote? Access to timelessness
But how do we find timelessness within our time-bound lives? If you can’t trust your own subjective observation of the mind, you can trust physics to tell you that time is not a fundamental feature of reality. In other words, we must examine how our mind constructs time. It is thus not primarily about keeping track of the number of minutes you practice (although this number does give you a clue about your level of skill), but more about your skill in examining the ways numbers and minutes get constructed in your mind. In a more overarching way, it is about developing a clear sense of the subjective experiences created by the brain’s default mode network (the constructor) as distinguished from a very different set of experiences we call ‘the conduit’.
The default mode network’s constructor is the mind function that uninterruptedly creates stories. It is responsible for the incessant mind chatter filled with content and meaning we are all not only so familiar with but also so profoundly and completely identified with, that we end up confusing its content with reality. The conduit, on the other hand, is the entirety of direct somatic and sensory-motor experiences, which don’t have a content or storyline with meaning we can follow. These are the experiences we have through the external five senses of touch, sight, sound, taste, and smell, and the physical sensations in the body. In short, the real reality that gets directly presented to us through the conduit becomes transformed by the constructor (default mode network) into a virtual re-presented reality. The constructor is like a menu you read or a map you consult – though intellectually useful and interesting, it will never slake your hunger, quench your thirst, or immerse you in the landscape. The conduit is the actual meal you eat or the territory you hike in. We are so not used to realizing how virtual our thoughts, beliefs, and stories are, that we constantly confuse them with reality. This results in disembodied, stressed lives lived ‘in our heads’ in times (past and future) that don’t exist.
The moment your meditation dives into the intricacies of that construction, recognizing it as such and not confusing it with reality anymore, you discover that the foundation upon which you live is the conduit with its timeless moments that flow like a river to nowhere. Indeed, the stories of your construction themselves turn out to be no more than energy flow processes, not finished products experienced as truths for sale to other people. Consequently, even deeply held beliefs and meaning become no more than a fleeting appearance like the clouds in the sky. This applies equally to the construction of time, which can be directly observed, both individually and culturally in cultures without clocks or a sense of time like ours. Upon close examination, both conduit and constructor unveil their fleeting nakedness as they slip through our fingers like water we try to grasp. Your relationship with time changes profoundly.
When steeped in that conduit, the sense of ‘not being able to bear it anymore’ dissipates for several reasons. ‘I am not able to bear it anymore’ is recognized as just a thought, a construction, not real reality. As such it is as fleeting an energy flow as any other. Now grounded in conduit without any of the goals and meanings created by the constructor, you can recognize resistances and defenses that cause the experience to be felt more dramatically than it really is. You can emphasize curiosity, openness, acceptance, and allowing and letting be as a way of breaking past conditionings. Finally, time is revealed to just be a fleeting construction; there is no sense of less or more time that affects your expectations of how the immediate future needs to look. You touch timelessness. In the face of that realization (‘realization’ meaning an embodied awareness of reality), conditioned organismic processes that drive you on autopilot appear in a different light. Instead of being unpleasant experiences or problems, which you feel you need to bear, solve, or escape from by leaving your cushion, they are ‘just’ complex energy flows, each with their own qualities, direction, and destiny. Ten minutes, an hour, neither is either more difficult or less productive. They are just different, and with this ‘just’ the struggle and resistance fall away. Practicing for an hour changes from being an endurance game to becoming an invigorating massage instead.
Patience with nothing is quite a treasure. Remember: Nowhere to go, nothing to do, nothing to change, nothing to know, nobody to be – nada, zilch, squat, zippo. Timelessly surrendering to the vast emptiness of Being. It is like having assembled all the soup ingredients in a pot and all you now have to do is stir occasionally while letting it simmer on the fire. When everything is said and done – dreams are cleared, emotions regulated, memories integrated, thought rivers understood, and actions wisely measured – when nothing is left to say or do, the second of the three legs of our thousand-year journey begins by confronting nothingness and death in awareness.
Neither nothingness nor death are negative or nihilistic states, nor are they pessimistic outlooks on life. Granted, from the perspective of ordinary waking consciousness we call the field of consciousness, death, and nothingness appear as dark, cold, forsaken, and gloomy realities, which in Western philosophy existentialism has wrestled with. But Western philosophy being a largely intellectual exploration within the context of ordinary everyday consciousness does not manage well to pierce through the existential despair and discover an orthogonal dimension waiting to be realized. It does not use the awareness tools necessary for that. Mindfulness meditation offers that option, and we discover that quite on the contrary, death and nothingness are optimistic, positive, dynamic, and creative. When approached properly, they affirm the value and meaning of life in the face of suffering and death and open up a new horizon of freedom and responsibility for human beings. Prepare to die wisely and you will have a full and meaningful life.
Nothingness is the ground of being, the source of all possibilities, and the ultimate reality that transcends all dualities and categories such as subject and object, self and other, life and death. Nothingness is not something that can be grasped by rational thought or empirical observation, but only by a radical transformation of one’s consciousness and existence. It can provide a way to overcome existential crises and achieve a deeper understanding of oneself and the world. The only way to overcome the nihilism of existentialism is to go through it, to face in full awareness the nothingness that lies at the bottom of human existence, and to realize that it is not a negative void filled with death, but a positive source of creativity and freedom. By awakening to this field of nothingness, one can overcome the alienation and anxiety of existentialism and attain a new mode of being that is authentic, compassionate, and open to the infinite possibilities of existence that provide a deeper sense of meaning and joy. By implication, we need death to really get to know life at its deepest.
That powerfully transformative nothingness is waiting for you in many different cloaks and disguises at every turn: When you are bored, ‘nothing’ seems to happen, it all seems always the same, you can’t stand it anymore, you are lost, you have better things to do, you are assailed by the question ‘and now what?’, you have lost all sense of life’s meaning, or you are frantically searching for an imagined something to improve the life that eternally eludes you, like Vladimir and Estragon waiting for Godot. Without falling into forgetfulness, you stop waiting, you stop searching for the elusive prize that like the mirage of an oasis forever recedes as you approach. You rest in the awareness of nothing, a rich and creative void of unimaginable spaciousness, power, quality, and luminosity, and instead of waiting, you are present, waiting for nothing as everything is already there, doing nothing as everything of essence is already done. Instead of searching, you just receive; you revel in just being. This has by the way something to do with the capacity to be alone.
One of my students recently put it beautifully in an email as a question:
“Is it possible to reach a stage in your transformative journey of the mind where things stop making any sense, seemingly out of nowhere? It’s like, you’re practicing, formally and informally, working the tools and over time, you become a fairly skilled surfer, riding the waves with a sense of relative ease, stability, and flow.
And then, seemingly out of nowhere, as you seemingly ride the same waves in the same ocean, you can’t seem to stay on the surfboard with any sense of stability anymore. But you haven’t any clue why. You just can’t. Your balance is off. You don’t know anything anymore. Seemingly without any warning, you’re a beginner again.
The only thing I can say about this is that I notice a deeper widening within me, a deeper felt grief and sadness about our world in rapid chaos, and a felt confusion around how to be with the impermanence of civilization with reverence and faith.”
There is no room left for impatience when we examine the construction of concepts and time in meditation. Impatience is the escape from the truth by trying to escape to somewhere else than where we are; it is just resistance to the inevitable truth of ‘just Being’ in our practice of ‘just sitting’ with what ‘just keeps hitting you over the head the more you try to dismiss it’. When we settle in the flow of the foundations of our Being rather than precariously balance on the rooftops of our storied existence, impatience melts away like snow in the sun. The resulting holy water inspires the daily hour we sit on our cushion to become a transformative bath in the timeless vastness of Being – like a nurturing oasis amid the vast desert of existence with its trials and tribulations that toss us to and fro.
One must resist the temptation to make ‘the flow of the foundations of Being’ or ‘the timeless vastness of Being’, or indeed ‘nothingness’ into some ‘thing’ we can eventually find, get to, or achieve. Absolute nothingness is so profound that concepts must be released as what they are – puffs of smoke. If there is any trace of something called ‘nothing’, it must be released. This also applies to death. It is a no-thing and therefore no more than a process of transformation the likes of which we have spent a lifetime absorbed in. This absolute nothingness is ‘no thing’ whatsoever, and since all we can imagine are ‘things’, ‘no thing’ cannot be imagined. Just because it cannot be imagined or thought about does not mean it cannot be lived and known – not known in the sense of intellectual knowledge of something, but in the sense of unknowable knowing even beyond intuition.
The grace of opening those further dimensions of our awareness and orthogonally falling into a larger context with more dimensions than ordinary waking consciousness comes with the realization that we own nothing, we cannot hold on to anything, we are forced to unknow everything to end suffering, we lose everything we believed we had, and we ultimately are ‘no thing’ at all. No-thing is what death reveals when we get close to it. It is also the discovery of an orthogonal dimension we did not see before. In embracing this reality, ‘we die before we die in order not to die when we die’ as Buddhists tend to put it. Dying is radiantly liberating as it dissolves our conditionings to the point of revealing death as a transformation instead of an end, and thereby an inextricable feature of a life well lived.
All of reality is transformation, and there is no more powerful way to challenge old conditionings and make room for new, creative growth than to allow us to be purified by the awareness mode of the field of nothingness.
Copyright © 2023 by Dr. Stéphane Treyvaud. All rights reserved.
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